Who said pregnancy is glamorous? And what thicko said pregnant women are beautiful? OK I have to admit I DID think pregnant women were beautiful and radiant, until I actually became one. It makes me what to cry when I read some super-thin celebrity saying "I've never felt sexier". Really? Liar! What's sexy about it? At my debut appointment with my GP last week, he started with a few questions about my general well-being. When I responded that everything was fine 'n' dandy, he continued: "So have you been bothered with insomnia, depression, thrush, haemorrhoid's, varicose veins, leaking nipples, itchy skin, swollen ankles...?" Jeez. Who signed me up for this? Thankfully I could shake my head until he mentioned "heartburn and ingestion". My pink bottle of Gaviscon goes everywhere I go. I even take it to bed for emergency midnight swigs. The worse thing about the heartburn is that it makes me feel sick. And when I'm sick, the heartburn is 100 times worse. It's a vicious circle really.
Just to reinforce how unglamorous I feel: Last week during one of my late-night recycling sessions, the vomit was so projectile it actually hit the wall BEHIND me. And as I was spewing and coughing, my full bladder was getting so squashed that I was wetting myself a bit. Sexy, eh?
Better still, it's going to get worse. My hospital bag is packed full of girlie delights like breast pads, nipple cream. maternity towels and HUGE pants. I swear the scouts could use them as tents. They should be buried under the floorboards and nailed down.
On a more positive note, it's the first time in years that I've had a full set of toe-nails. I just a shame I won't be able to see them for much longer :-)